Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Domino is only the prettiest BBD this side of the Mississippi!!

And he is in a BBD contest to prove it! What is a BBD you ask? A Big Black Dog! Why is there a contest and why do they have an odd acronym? Well, Moose's post explains it in much more detail. But basically any big black dog in a shelter or adoption agency is destined for difficulties. They are often the last to be picked and get passed up for the "more colorful" dogs. There are many hypotheses about this; 

They don't photograph well (the one I have heard the most often and the most ridiculous, I mean just look at how adorable he is!!)
They look scary (again, really?!)
They are less exciting. 
Whatever the reason though, I disagree with them all. I think everyone should have a BBD! Thanks to Dexter for making that point and sharing the BBD love!!!
Oh, and keep your paws crossed for Domino to win :)

So a trip to North Dakota was just what I needed...really!

I am convinced I have the best family in the world! It was so so great to get back home finally to see everyone and have everyone meet Rachel. I left feeling so loved and honored to have the respect and trust from such a great family.

Just to paint a small picture of my family; it is big!, a large percentage live in or near Thompson ND, they are mainly Catholic and Lutheran (it is the Midwest!), and everyone is pretty close. As I mentioned in the "pre-trip post" I was a bit nervous to be bringing Rachel back. It's the upper midwest, its conservative, enough said. I know my family loves me and wants to be accepting of whatever makes me happy, but change is hard and most people in that area don't even (knowingly) know anyone who is not heterosexual.

Everyone blew all of my worries right out of the water though! They were amazing and welcoming and loving. This shouldn't have been a surprise to me because this is exactly the family I grew up with; warm and welcoming to everyone. But I was throwing in a curve ball and my own anxieties and insecurities left me questioning the stability of that family atmosphere that I had not yet seen falter.

I was also finally able to appreciate the beauty of ND. I was so ready to leave when I moved; ready to experience something bigger and more complex. I thought that I was being stifled by lack of stimulation. How did I not see how freeing it can be? The vastness and pristine nature of land as far as you can see, is actually liberating. The simplicity is calming and rejuvenating, not boring as I once had been so quick to judge.

It was a wonderful trip home! I left feeling refreshed and reminded of the overwhelming and unconditional love that surrounds me. I appreciate where I came from so much because I clearly saw how everything from my upbringing shaped me into the person that I am today, and I am proud of that person. Im so glad that Rachel got to witness that. I think it was also the escape that we needed; not just time away, but also a chance for her to fully see me, which I so strongly needed.
My dad :)
home....

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Fly me away...

Hello my lovely readers! I am off on vacation...wait, don't get too excited for me. We are going to the landlocked state of North Dakota, woohoo! No sunkissed beaches for me!

No really, it is a vacation and I am actually really excited. It has been 2 years since I have been home so visiting the familiarity of my hometown will be really nice. Plus, I have a lot of family that I haven't seen in 2 years or more. Plus I saw that there are thunderstorms in the forecast! :) Its been 2 years since I have experienced a real live midwest thunderstorm...enough of this damn Seattle drizzle, I want some earth shattering lightning!!

What is the catch you ask? Well Rachel is coming with and this is the first time I have introduced a girlfriend to much of my family and also the first time I have brought anyone from my Seattle world into the (very much different) North Dakota world. Wish us luck!!

I will be back here to tell you all about it :)

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The Girl with the Owl Tattoo

...yeah, I used the reference, I never claimed that I wasn't a dork!
So, I finally got my owl tattoo and I love love love it!!

How adorable is he?! How could you not love a tattoo with a cute owl and books?!




He is also special to me because he represents all that I have acomplished and all the drive I need to find in order to finish. As I mentioned before, Ive felt a bit of a *blah* reaction to any graduate academic acomplishments. Im also lately feeling very burnt out and apathetic towards the process, which I hate. So, I rewarded myself :) I wanted to mark my finishing coursework and give myself motivation to get back to working on my dissertation. I think it has worked, Im a dissertating maniac lately!!

Friday, July 23, 2010

Why is therapy a taboo word?!

Ok Im going to preface this post, please do not think of me as a psychologist-to-be when reading this! Im not writing it as a way to promote my field. Obviously therapy and internal self growth are things that are important to me on many different levels, but my career choice is only one of those levels, this comes from the other layers...

I am in therapy. I am soon starting couples therapy. I have been in therapy multiple times throughout my life. Why is this something that people have a hard time saying? I pursue therapy not because I am psychotic or because I am painfully depressed, but because I am alive! Life is difficult, it comes with sadness and heartache and stress and...well, pain. I want to be able to understand my way of being within those struggles. I yearn for a deeper understanding of myself and that is what therapy means to me.

Don't get me wrong, a lot of therapy clients do struggle with psychosis and debilitating depression, and that is a lot of what therapy is there for. I am by no means trying to belittle or downplay the significance of that. But, that doesn't have to be all that it is there for! For some reason, our society has this negative view of therapy and the people who pursue it. We (the people in therapy) are looked at as this helpless person who can't deal with life, so we go to someone else to walk us through it. I view us as strong people who are able to acknowledge the fact that life is hard and sometimes talking through it helps! Why do people who get labeled as strong when they are working out to better themselves physically but weak when they are trying to better themselves internally?!

And then there is couples therapy which has an even worse stereotype. Im going to state the blatantly obvious here, but relationships are hard, really hard!! In my mind, couples therapy should be the norm rather than the ultimatum presented when everything is falling apart. Very few couples actually pursue therapy until it is the one string they are left with to grip onto. So, what happens? Society thinks that is what couples therapy is there for, a way to hold on to the small piece that is left, or a cleaner way to let go. What does that leave the rest of us with? Those of us who pursue couples therapy as a way to help us get through the rocky parts and come out of them a little less banged up?

I understand that this is all a vicious cyclical experience. Couples who do pursue therapy before the relationship is hanging by a thread don't want to tell anyone for fear of being labeled as doomed. So, nobody knows that people do go to therapy before that point, so they think that is all that it is there for...and then nobody goes. You get the picture. Its the same thing for individual therapy, albeit to a lesser degree. But still, nobody wants to mention that they are in therapy for fear of being labeled "crazy"...so the stereotype that society holds remains there.

What is my point here? Im proposing that those of us who are in therapy as a way to better ourselves and deepen our self awareness, speak up! I am in therapy! Let it be known, it is a sign of strength and personal growth, not of weakness.

Dr Cannon Lucy.jpg

Friday, July 16, 2010

To Kindle or not to Kindle.....?

Ive been so painfully torn about the Kindle reading device from Amazon ever since it came out! On one hand; I love that its easy to carry around, can fit a ton of books, gets new books very quickly, and has a dictionary built in! (I usually have both a book and a dictionary on hand!) Plus this commercial and song are brilliantly charming to me!


On the other hand though; I LOVE books! I love the feel of a book and the pages and mostly the smell! (I sound a bit odd, I know) The one thing that has been tipping me towards the kindle side though is the fact that you can put it on "speak mode." This means that I could read it anywhere and then also listen to it in my car. That is the one thing that books cant do. Side note: I love audio books for my car and I have tried syncing a book that I am actually reading with an audio book while Im driving....didn't work so well, its frustratingly hard to try and find your place every time you switch!

Anyways...my mom knows about my decision struggle and decided to take me out of my misery and just get me one! Awesome right? Yay!! I have ordered a few books and am ready to try it out. Stay tuned.....

I know I have fellow book lovers out there, so does anyone else have one? Thoughts?

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Heat wave!

Ahh seattle, it rains for weeks straight, then goes right into 90+ degree days! I know 90 doesn't sound too bad for some of you out there, but the short lived nature of it here in the pacific northwest means that most people don't have a lot of fans and very very few have AC. So, we just do what we can to cool ourselves until it passes....once it does though, summer is quite spectacular here, in my humble opinion!! :)
Seriously mom, this crappy little fan is all we get?!
By the way, they do get more than a fan....they get my homemade gourmet pupsicles!! :)

On a somewhat unrelated note; I think the heat is making them true blue BFFs!!
How cute are we?!

I sure hope everyone else is staying cool through the heat and enjoying your summer!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

...but I love the library!

My school shares a building with the Art Institute, which is....interesting! Generally it is not a problem because we have our own floor, but we do share a library. AI students treat this shared space like a coffee shop (at best, a bar at worst); talking, laughing, fighting...basically everything loud you can think of! This has been my biggest complaint about my grad school experience so far, how can a grad school not have an adequate library?!

Anyways, AI is on break so I have been enjoying some blissfuly quiet library time. Today though, they are doing new student tours, which is slightly annoying, but at least they are only in here for about 5 minutes at a time. Just a few minutes ago though, I heard a tour guide make a painfully blasphemous statement! He walked in with all his new students and said, "I can't believe this is still needed in our digital era, but.... (rolling eyes and scoffing) this is the library"Gasp! And he said this, right in front of all these books! How insulting!

As you probably know, I love love love books! So, this hurt me :( Not only do you people ruin the library experience with your gabbing, music listening, and facebook-ing, but now you are insulting the books...to their faces!?! This passionate bibliomaniac is deeply offended...

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Happy Pride!

Seattle Pride is always quite an event! This year though, a rainbow flag was placed on top of the space needle...thats right the space needle, only the most iconic structure in Seattle!! Also, it was up there for the entire weekend, not just during the parade. I think this is awesome, it is a huge statement about the support this city gives to the LGBTQ community. So, thank you Seattle :)

Saturday, June 26, 2010

I think that celebrating 22 years of classwork is justified!.....right?!

I had my last day of my last class today. Im not sure how I feel about it, its a mixture of loneliness and relief. I have realized that there is this weird thing about grad school; every achievement prior to graduation is depressingly anti-climatic. When I got my master's degree en route, I passed the competency exam and was told "good job, but no MA title yet" then a few months later my diploma was mailed to me with a note that said basically "as of a months ago, you have a masters degree"....great, thanks for the heads up to celebrate!

Also our CCEs, the other big ticket item, it was a huge stressor and an obscene amount of work. But, when we passed it, we received a "you passed"...that was about it. My favorite professor was aware of this minimization and made some confetti to throw at us. The simple fact that she threw shredded up paper at us brought us all to tears!

Now, within the last few weeks most of my cohort has experienced our last day of class. This is a big deal! I have literally be in school for 22 years straight! College for 9 1/2 years! That is a big freakin' deal!  Im not even sure that I know how to function without homework deadlines and the classroom format.

But, yet again it has been sort of a depressingly subdued experience. I am so burnt out, and yet I feel like everyone around me is thinking "yeah well you have been in school forever, whats the big deal, contact me when you actually graduate!!" Its depressing and lonely for me. I know I still have dissertation and internship left. but finishing coursework is a big deal! All I need is a little encouragement!

Am I pouting? Have any other grad students felt the same despair? How do I honor my milestones while still maintaining motivation for the rest of the work I have to do?

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Why don't I ever talk about all the pros of grad school!?!!

I feel like I complain a lot about the stress, work, and general difficulty of grad school. I'm sorry. In my defense though, I am finishing up my 4th year (8.5 years total of college coursework...but who is counting?!) and am a bit burnt out. As I was walking along the waterfront though today, I thought to myself "I never would be here if it wasn't for grad school!" and I really truly love Seattle. That got me thinking about all of the other things I have gained from this experience. It really is a wonderful thing and I feel so lucky to be able to go through the process, so I thought I would share what I love about grad school...

  • I moved out of the Midwest and into Seattle; a city that really fits me better. I love the atmosphere, the beauty of the pacific northwest, the people, the experiences that are literally everywhere just waiting to be found! I really love this city :)
  • I love intellectual discussion! And I don't mean talking about textbooks or theory, but having good intense discussions about topics that I am passionate about, with people who feel the same way.
  • Networking and finding my niche, plus people who are passionate about that area.
  • Being able to say, "well I'm a grad student" when people ask what I do. There is just something gratifying about that answer, particularly to judgemental people who formed immediate stereotypes about me when I was a server/bartender!
  • Therapy, I really love doing therapy!! (good thing, huh?)
  • Learning about the mind and emotions and human behavior. We are such an amazing species and it is so exciting to learn about all the capabilities that we have and the ways that suffering can be understood and alleviated.
  • The friends I have made, both in and out of school. Ive met some great people here in Seattle and I have a wonderful cohort at school Its great to be surrounded by compassionate, albeit stressed out, colleagues!
  • Learning to take the bus, I have actually became quite an expert on public transportation. That's quite an accomplishment considering I moved here having never used any form of public transportation and learned all by myself through good old "trial and error" (and there were some hilarious errors!!)
  • Rachel, who I obviously never would have met without moving here and being forced to work at the crappy Outback!
  • Hospice volunteering, its a great experience and a wonderful reminder of why I wanted to go into the field of helping people through their struggles.
  • I even think being pathetically poor is a good thing. Although I am definitely sick of it, I do think it is good to be poor for a while. It makes you appreciate things so much more (I wrote an entire ecstatic blog about finding a $5 bill!!!) Plus, its nice to do it with a bunch of friends who are poor at the same time, who else could I complain about the bitch Sallie Mae to?!
There are so many more wonderful things about this experience, but I just wanted to share a few. Its a reminder to myself that I really really love what I am doing. I'm going to love my career, but I also need to remember the joy in the journey of getting there.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

pictures?

Is anyone else having problems posting pictures lately? Its annoying! Oh and what are your thoughts on that rating thing you can put on the bottom of a post now? Im undecided.....

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Ahh, the life of a server!

I am kicking myself for not finding blogging until after I finally left the hell hole world of the restaurant business!! Damn, that would have been the epitome of cathartic! Maybe I would have been able to keep the horrible thoughts from seeping out in my facial expressions and the ever so mature "leaving table mumbles" if I had an outlet to vent. But alas, I did not think of blogging until later *sigh*.

Recently though, I found a few blogs of servers who did discover the wonders of cathartic blogging while still stuck in the job from hell. They are all a wonderful reminder of why I am choosing to be painfully poor during my last leg of school rather than go back to.....well, there really is not better label than hell!! (can you tell I hated serving?!)

This blog, Girl and a Guitar, is about a Hooters server....and I thought Outback was a hotbed of cheap pickup lines; yikes!

The Bitchy Waiter says everything that continually goes through your mind as a server, think of that the next time you ask your server for a different kind of condiment every time they pass your table, or want separate tickets after the meal is over, or...well you get the idea!

And the good old classic, Waiter Rant :)

Oh boy, I do not miss it!!!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Zindle

We have been looking for a playmate for Domino for a few months now. Here is what we had in mind; a dog his age but half the size! One who would play well with him and be indifferent to cats. A dog who would do as well as Domino does at the dog park since trips to the park are such a big part of our lives. One who is not a barker and kennel trained.

We have driven around to the shelters and rescue organizations in the area and have looked at a few different dogs. None of them worked out for one reason or another; not well with cats, health problems that we were not ready to take on, or they were just not a good match for Domino. Well finally we met Lucy, she seemed about perfect based on the little that they knew about her plus she played great with Domino right away! So, we agreed to adopt her, set her up to be spayed, and drove out to get her last friday.

Well we got home and...different dog! She is fear aggressive in the house, possessive of everything; food, treats, toys, us even! She has very little interest in Domino or playing. She is showing signs of separation anxiety and barks loudly when she is in her kennel. (by the way, I have worked with a lot of dogs and these problems are among the few that I have never dealt with personally...of course!) Aahhh, what do we do?!

She is such a sweetheart and already attached to us, but not at all what we were looking for. Do we try expensive in-home training and hope that she is able to get along with Domino and go on park trips? Or, do we try to find her a more suitable home; specifically one with no other dogs and a person she can have sole attachment to? This would be easier if it wasn't for Domino, we really were looking for a playmate for him and it feels unfair to try to make her work when we could find her a better home and find a better match for him. But, what if the home we find her isn't better, what if she grows into this home and they become BFF? I don't know what to do.....help!


ps: we renamed her Zindle and I love the name, it fits her for some reason :)

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

"Do not pity a shelter dog, adopt one"

I love this commercial! I am such a strong proponent of adopting pets. Buying from a breeder, pet store, puppy mill, or whatever only results in a shelter dog spending more time in a sad kennel. Plus, who wants to spend hundreds or thousands on a purebred dog (who by the way, is likely inbred and a just crawling with health problems!) when mutts have so much more character. So, to anyone looking for a new family member...please check your local shelters and rescue organizations! I can guarantee that there is an adorable lovable mutt just waiting to shower you with unconditional love!