More bus humor

Every regular public transportation patron knows the unwritten rule of relative silence that is expected. This is particularly true on the early morning commute, everyone needs their time to silently prep for the day. When someone misses the memo and babbles on loudly either to their neighbor or on the phone, it is pretty obvious. You can see the other people looking around in disgust. How do you not realize that everyone is silently stewing while listening to your obnoxious conversation?!

Well, I heard the best of the best (...well worst, I guess) this week on my morning bus ride. Everyone was silently riding the bus minding their own business, then this woman walked on, yapping away on her cell phone. Here is how the conversation went;

Mom, you have to come! We need three people so we can afford it!
(all other bus riders sighing and groaning as she enters and disrupts their morning relax time)
Mom! Its not that bad....no I don't know how much it will be.
Ok, so the rooms are $67 and we need three of them....no if you come then we can split it 3 ways.
(more groaning)
I dont know how much that will be mom!
(other now look around with a glint of humor emerging)
Mom, I don't know, how am I supposed to just know how much it will be? It cant be that much the rooms are cheap and we only need 3, plus we are splitting it 3 ways!
(people are now sharing humorous glances)
Ok ok jeesh mom, Ill figure it out, I think my phone has a calculator.
(now she is yelling into the phone while she calculates this difficult math problem out on her phone's calculator)
Ok mom, here I am using my calculator. So it will be $67 times 3 rooms...and then divided by 3 people.....(pause for calculations)...see mom it will only be $67, thats cheap!
(people now are holding back their laughter)
Mom, its gotta be right, I used my calculator!...Fine, Ill figure it out again; $67 times 3 and then divided by 3....yeah, see its $67, thats what I said the first time right? Or no, I thought it was less than that, here Ill do it again....(and so it continued)

Ahh the entertainment of public transportation...

Bus stop shenanigans

Ahh the entertainment value of bus stops! I had never rode the bus until I moved here and I had no idea it could be so entertaining! I once saw a guy without shoes or socks, covered in blood with a huge gash bleeding on his head, walking through the rain...asking for money, yikes! I have also seen a man in too small women's jeans and a little girls tank top doing a strip tease in the aisle....its never boring.

Today I was waiting for my bus and a hispanic man came up to me and started talking to me in Spanish. He was completely oblivious to my lack of understanding, so I just let him continue. At one point he must have asked me a question because he stopped talking and looked at me, obviously waiting for a response. He then asked again (in English!) if I had a boyfriend. I said, nope but I do have a girlfriend. This was obviously a surprise to him and he responded with a five minute rant on the "evils of gay people!" Awesome. Just take the rejection and leave buddy. I didn't understand most of his rant, but what I did get out of it was that gay people cause tornadoes...he actually said that! I just sat and stared ahead of me praying for the bus to come and save me. I need to learn Spanish, I had some good arguments ready for this guy!

Oh wait, the best part is yet to come! After his rant of which I only picked out a few phrases, he ended with "Ok, so phone number?" Really?! What did he think, that I was going to say "Oh wow, I didn't know my evilness was causing tornadoes, thanks for sharing! I would love to go sleep with you as a thank you!" Come on buddy! My gasp of disgust must have gotten the message across because he shrugged his shoulders, called me evil again and walked away. Ahh, the bus stop....