Monday, November 29, 2010

Happy Monday {11th ed.}

Happy Monday!!

Even meatless its a pretty awesome holiday :)

Infinity scarves
Its just such an amazingly simple solution to the annoying untying scarf dilemma!
(Oh how I wish I had an unlimited gift card for Etsy....)

Because you really do not want to know how much money I threw away in late fees prior to the days of Netflix, its scary! How awesome is it that you can click a button and either instantly watch a movie, or simply wait a day for it to show up in your mailbox?! We are a spoiled society...
These beds
Yeah, I really love bedtime!!
My Dad
He really truly is amazing and I love him very much! He is a Midwesterner through and through, but has opened his mind and heart to my sexuality, my passion for academics (as in, rather than marrying and having kids right away), my oftentimes differing values and viewpoints, and well basically me! He is supportive and amazing and I love and miss him every day. 
(Incase you missed it, I did a Happy Monday with my mom in it too...Im not playing favorites here!)

That is it for me this week, what is making you happy lately?!

Saturday, November 27, 2010


I want a Jim and Pam sort of love! Is that corny? Whatever, I don't care...just tell me it exists!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

My Brandi :)

Brandi Carlile played with the Seattle Symphony again this past weekend. If for some reason you are not yet aware, I absolutely love her! We went when she played with them 2 years ago, and it was the best concert I had ever been to...this one lived up to the standard!

One of the reasons that I love her so much is because her music oozes emotion! So pairing that with the amazingly cathartic experience of a symphony is the melodic version of pure harmonic bliss! (Wow, adjectives!) Plus, she is so obviously thrilled to be playing with them, you can practically feel her happiness! Im sure I have mentioned that I am an empath and that is a quality that I am proud of even though it means that I feel people's pain pretty significantly, which can be really difficult. But, the plus side to that is that I also deeply feel people's happiness! Its a really amazing experience to be able to witness the pure joy in someone and that is how I have feel watching her play with the symphony; almost embarrassed to be a part of something so personally profound to her.

She also sing an angelic acoustic version of Crazy that hit a sore note for me during this fragile state (of all the songs and all the lyrics....), and of course it brought me to tears....but it was just too beautiful to be sad for long! Watch the video, she is amazing!
Im crazy for trying, crazy for crying, and I'm crazy for loving you

(sorry, this isn't from the actual show but its the best video I could find...)

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Snow day!!

(aka: an excuse to share shamelessly cute dog pics!)

Monday, November 22, 2010

Happy Monday {10th ed.}

Happy Monday.....much needed!

A beautiful snow!
I woke up to snow this morning, yay :) Its that beautiful, untouched first snow, big flake kind. Plus here in Seattle, it doesn't stick (sorry to all my Midwesterners out there!)
(look how happy she is!!)
(yes, he has a scarf on...I swear he loves it!)
Happy Hour ;)
As you know, I have had a rough week. The perk of going through a crappy situation though is all the support that comes out of it! I have been reminded that I really do have wonderful people in my life....and have shared happy hour with quite a few of them this past week! (Even a happy brunch on one occasion!) Putting the recent need for friends and wine aside though, I really do love happy hour. What could be better than cheap drinks, cheap appetizers, good friends, and having it all be early enough to get home and curl up on the couch with pjs?! (Im such an old soul...)

This picture
I found it on one of my favorite blogs, The Nearsighted Owl. How freakin' adorable is he?!

My Squishy and her personality-filled looks
Enough said! :)

Thats it for me this week, what is making you happy?

Friday, November 19, 2010

To walk a mile with Sorrow

Those of you who read me regularly have probably picked up on my recent unhappiness. I've been going through a lot and have definitely been walking my mile with Sorrow. Im not going to go into all the details here, Im a pretty private person, but I do feel emotions pretty strongly and need this outlet as a way to release some of those bear with me guys. 

So I'll just say it, my relationship is over. It hurts like hell and is full of feelings and internal thoughts that I wouldn't wish on anyone. Like I said though, I am not going to go into details, instead I am going to focus on where I am and what I have learned.

First, it is important to me to give everything I have to a relationship. Admittedly, I have not been great at this in the past, I've messed up and ran away. But, I learned from that and in this relationship I gave it my all, even more so through the pain and difficulti times. So, what have I learned from that? As horribly painful as it was, I will forever be the person who gives it my all (a Callie from my earlier example)! So, I need to be with someone who is willing to be fully present through the pain and fight along with me. I have had this image in my head of a really bad blizzard, the kind that you have to just duck your head and lean forward in order to make your way through it. That is what I have been doing, slowly dragging myself through this blizzard, freezing and getting stung with snow the entire way. I deserve to be with someone who will hold my hand and plow through that snow right along with me. Blizzards end, and I want to be holding hands and wiping frozen tears off of eachother's wind blown faces when its over. 

I have also learned that I some people will form opinions and judgements about me that are simply out of my control. Many of the problems within this relationship stemmed from myself being disliked downright hated and alienated by most of her family and friends. This was a major source of pain for both me and our relationship. They have been significantly more hurtful and judgmental recently though through the dissolving of our relationship. I was really allowing it to get me down about myself until I tried one last attempt at reaching out to one of them. Im sparing details, but the reply was full of attacks and completely irrelevant insults and judgements about me, basically it was pure projection. 
Oddly enough, this helped me more than she could ever know and finally allowed me to let go of all of their hate. I am aware now that no matter how much I tried, I would have not been able to do a single thing to get these people to like me, or to even see me! So, I learned that I need to find ways to not allow the untrue and disrespectful criticisms of others to find their way into myself. I love myself and have put a lot of work into being a person that I can be proud of.  Of course it is a lifetime work in progress, but its far too much work to allow myself to be brought down by anyone who is not even willing to see me for who I really am. 

Basically, I learned that I am worth this. I am worth fighting for, standing up for, and being wholeheartedly devoted to. I am worth walking through a blizzard with, and I will continue walking through this blizzard until I see the sun. 

I do want to add that Rachel is not a horrible person, she is simply someone who needs to gain self-awareness and self-confidence before being able to offer her best self to someone else. She made a lot of mistakes that resulted in immense pain for me, to the point where I just had to start taking care of myself. I do though still love her very much and understand that if she was able to fully love and respect herself, she would have felt worthy of that love in return. I have faith that she will gain this growth and that we will still have a loving presence in each other's lives. 

Monday, November 15, 2010

My favorite poem

This is my favorite poem because it beautifully epitomizes my view on emotions and being present through the pain.

I walked a mile with Pleasure,
She chatted all the way;
But left me none the wiser 
For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow,
And ne'er a word said she;
But, oh! The things I learned from her,
When sorrow walked with me.

Robert Browning Hamilton

 I'll elaborate later, I just needed a reminder about the benefits of walking with sorrow...

Happy Monday {9th ed.}

Happy Monday!! Here are my weekly joys :)

Kristen Stewart as Joan Jett
I watched the Runaways this weekend and....lets just say Kristen did a damn good job at playing a sexy badass rocker chick!! ;)

When Zindle's ear does this super cute little lopsided thing :)
Unfortunately its usually when she is being a freak or spazing out, but its still pretty cute!

My new boots and purple tights!
Well the picture sucks, but I swear they really are cute!
Its a blog about literary tattoos, and there is a book! Awesome! These are 2 of my favorites...
(Yay Vonnegut!!) 
(Sadly true, a good book, and a beautiful placement)
This song
I know, who doesn't right? But still, just singing the words "little lion man" makes me happy!

Thats all for me this week, what is making you happy lately?

Friday, November 12, 2010

Its too hard...lets just give up!

This idea our society has formed of just giving up when the going gets tough, has been on my mind a lot lately. My focus on this comes from a few personal reasons that I am not really comfortable sharing right now...but bear with me because I still think this post is valid!

The thought of making this into a blog post came from watching last week's Grey's Anatomy. If you don't watch this show, here is a basic run down. Callie and Arizona have been together for awhile and are portrayed as a strong happy couple. Well Arizona wins this grant and has to go to Africa, Callie doesn't want to go...but she is willing to uproot her life and move to Africa for 3 years (!!) because she loves Arizona and wants to be with her! Aparently this isn't enough for Arizona, she wants her to be extatic about moving to another country with her while she pursues her dream. Why is doing it and trying to find the happiness in it not enough?! So she leaves....

The part that bothers me the most is when she says "we are standing in an airport screaming at eachother, we are already over." In other words, this is hard and we are having a big fight, so it must be over. Why do people think this way, why do we romanticize Arizona's actions in this instance, but see Callie as the pathetic one? In my mind, Callie is the strong one! She was willing to fight for the relationship, even when it was hard. Arizona just left when it got difficult. What happens though, Callie ends up like this....

broken and in pain, while Arizona goes off to Africa and puts on a happy face. Don't get me wrong, I think the broken route is far better because you grieve, process, and learn from it. But it sure does suck when you are in it and thinking about the other person walking around in a facade of happiness.

Why do so many people anymore just give up? Why do the Callies of this world end up always broken after giving it everything, even through the pain? Why do the Arizonas think that trading a broken model in for a shiny new one is the answer? Everything breaks at some point, its just an opportunity to mend!

In case anyone is wondering, yes, I definitely am a Callie. I have all too often been the one to give it my all, even through the difficult times, just to come out broken and alone. I am proud of this, I really really am...but damn it hurts like hell...

Thursday, November 11, 2010


Its raining.
Im sick of looking up articles.
Its dark pretty much all the damn day long now.
My cats have not moved from their spot on our bed since I made it this morning.
I have PMS and feel like I could sleep 22 hours a day......

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Happy Monday {8th ed.}

Happy Monday!! Yikes, I haven't posted since last Monday, Ill get better I promise! Well, here is what makes me happy right now...

This Picasso
I went to the Picasso exhibit at SAM on Thursday and loved it! There is something pretty amazing about experiencing art in person

Oh and I also love this Jackson friend Rachel told me that you have to see his work in person in order to appreciate it, and believe me, she is right! It just looks like paint splatter here, but it has amazing depth and movement in person!
Book readings
I also went to a book reading by Nicole Krauss at Elliot Bay Books on Thursday (it was a great day!). I just love book readings, I love being surrounded by other passionate bibliomaniacs. One woman wholeheartedly (and with tears in her eyes) thanked her for bringing a specific character into her life because he was one of her favorite people! I love the unique discomfort that most authors have with public speaking, they can seem so out of place when talking in front of a crowd, but then completely at home when reading a passage from their book. I wish I could write, I should have been an author.....
Lazy vacations
We went up to Whidbey Island and stayed in this cute little getaway studio this weekend. It was my idea of a perfect vacation! Just sleeping in, watching the world go by, eating an amazing dinner in a cute little small town, and basically doing nothing! Ahh, heaven...
Extreme Home Makeover
This show is amazing to me, I think there needs to be more like it. I would love to be able to do this, if I have money it will be put to good use helping others! We need more philanthropy and general good will in this world.......Oh, plus Ty is just so much fun to watch! ;)

Thats all for me this week, what makes you happy?!

Monday, November 1, 2010

Happy Monday {7th ed.}

Big sigh.....thats all I have to say about this week!

Red wine!!!
(I told you it was a bad week!) Im not a drinker, my crazy party phase ended at about 23 and I have to work myself up now to do anything beyond happy hour. But, I love love my red wine! :) There is nothing like a good Zinfandel to take all the stress away...
The far off idea of this swimsuit...
Yeah, Id have to spend a lot more time at the gym and a lot less time with my red wine in order to ever wear this...but alas, it makes me happy anyways! :)
My mom :)
She really truly is amazing and by far my biggest support! I wish everyone was so lucky to have such a wonderful best friend!
Cupcakes from Coffee to a Tea
They are the best ever! Yum... oh and the calories don't count when they are so adorable!
Bubble umbrellas
How freakin' delightful is this? Plus I wouldn't have to worry about poking someone's eye out when walking downtown :)
Thats it for me this week! What is making you happy lately?